I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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