drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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