I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
