I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
