So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
