I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
