All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
