I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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