sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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