i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
