I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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