she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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