Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
