Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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