Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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