So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
