We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
