hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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