So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
