I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
