I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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