My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
