his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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