Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.

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  (541): You don't need id to drink rum in an alley. http://tfl.nu/aqpy
  Replies (17) Good night (3796) Bad night (693)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

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  (717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke
  Replies (20) Good night (10562) Bad night (889)
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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8851) Bad night (888)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1389) Bad night (4473)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

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  (215): Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come. http://tfl.nu/svxw
  Replies (75) Good night (5098) Bad night (867)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1629) Bad night (2809)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

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  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (32) Good night (2014) Bad night (6111)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.

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  (705): I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation. http://tfl.nu/brj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1088) Bad night (1964)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.

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  (250): Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks. http://tfl.nu/2d3d
  Replies (3) Good night (1896) Bad night (793)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out

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  (780): Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out http://tfl.nu/hqrh
  Replies (10) Good night (502) Bad night (927)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?

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  (561): Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis? http://tfl.nu/jflh
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (316)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.

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  (724): I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents. http://tfl.nu/997k
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (350)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?

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  (217): I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening? http://tfl.nu/9mh6
  Replies (0) Good night (703) Bad night (305)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.

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  (231): I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza. http://tfl.nu/hoj4
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (235)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls

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  (740): so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls http://tfl.nu/114z
  Replies (3) Good night (315) Bad night (222)

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