I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.