you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
