oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life