I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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