I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
