i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
