if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
