Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at about main and main street
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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