there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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