i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize