I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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