it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
