i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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