update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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