The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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