How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
