Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
