Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
