all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
