So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
