im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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