READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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