He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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