Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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