Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
