guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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