Who wears a wallet chain?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
