Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
