We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
