I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
