You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
