Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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