I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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