Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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