so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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