6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
