i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
