Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
