Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
