we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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