I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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