Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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