wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
