Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
