I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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