This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
