adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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