so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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